My life is out is out of control! 

My life is spiraling out of control a little more each day.  I am putting this here because not many people follow me and I won’t gets lots of advice and sympathy.  

I am I’m the red again, I get paid and two hours later I am over drawn.  I don’t remember the last time I paid my mortgage, because I don’t remember the last time I had a full paycheck in my account at one time. I am in the red before pay day, so not enough to pay mortgage when I get paid, everything is going out I’m the house, my am always do swollen in my legs. Don’t remember the last time I bought groceries either.  Tried for a payday loan this week, one wanted a voided check, who uses those anymore? And the other wanted to call friends and family for references. Not involving them in this. Friday 8 talk to my financial advisor and will ask for money to help get me out of this cycle. Not sure how I’m going to get you work on Friday, we’ll see if my bus ticket book comes on time, because the fixed route is not an option with my walker.  

I just want this life to be over! I do not want to wake up tomorrow. Or Ever again. I just want you curl up somewhere and cry, but I have to eat and then be pleasant at work. Not looking forward to today. 

Rambling thoughts on power play

I don’t know why my mind went there today, but here it went and these are my thoughts. 

Power play is a experience in trusting another person enough to give up your will and give to another for trusting they will return it with pleasure. Or it was for me when I was in the scene.  There are all sorts of rules (both spoken and unsaid) along with other safe practices between parties.

The question my rambling mind latched on to this morning,  how can there be a true power play when some people are clearly out powered to begin with. 

An male bringing a female to submission, how? It was always my experience the male has

Can the Nobelest of Intentions stay pure when Love is Involved?  

Mother’s and administrative assistance, sometimes it is hard to tell them apart.  This is one of my favorite historical plots, don’t see it much in contemporary stories so I was excited to see what Mr. Grey had done with it.  Oh, giggles and tears later I am so glad I dove right into it. He did my favorite plot line great homage.

Robert Morton.found out suddenly he was his disinherited mother’s brother’s heir and was now the Earl, elevths generation.    Problem, his uncle let others the town house, Hantford Manor (the entitled country eastate), and all the land around it go follow, get run down.  He had no money being a simple barrister and no idea how he was going to hang on to it not turn it to the National Trust.  

Daniel Fabian, self made American businessman, he’d successfully started one dot.Com for his sisters clothing designs, then a second for boots that were his passion. Having come up with an online foots canner to personalize each pair of boots he know has another vulture capitalist company after his trying to buy him out. But he wasn’t going to let that happen, they would tear apart his dream.

Robert’s mom had one sure fire way to keep Hantford Monor, marry money, traditional and in this day just as practical since gay marriage was now allowed.  Joann, Daniel’s administration asstiant, decided he vdidnt get enough and needed a distraction.  Both signed the males under care up for the same service.

Daniel had a 15 year class reunion coming up, and after meeting Robert and thinking about the title of Count he would get by marrying an Earl, and putting this marriage in the slot of a business venture, allowed him to explore the passion between himself and Robert a little more freely.  Except it then further confused Robert.

As the class reunion came up, which was Daniel going to embrace, the title or the man? Can he let go the hurt of past relationships to see the man before him? Or will he hang on to them and send himself into a loveless cross-Atlantic relationship?

Mr. Grey did this story line with a fine quill, penning a Marriage of Convince story to make the old masters proud. I was caught from the firstbsentence, and per his usual style, I started and could not put it down till it was down, losing lots sleep, who real l y needs sleep when you have such a story in hand? Five stars, I expected nothing less and Mr. Grey totally delived! Thank you for sharing this one with us, and please tell me that you have more of this style? I would love to read more, maybe even try your hand at a historical? 

If you like his work, or are new to it, this would be a great first one to grab.

How to use the written word to fight Depression

Write You Way Out of Depression: A Practical Self-Therapy for Creative Writers by Rayne Hall and Alexander Draghici

Rayne Hall is an author that has long suffered through Depression and battled this invisible mental illness, these are stragities she has come up with on her own and with various therapists that she has worked with over the years to help her.  As a dark horror novelist she has found some of these techniques work better for her than others, and wanted to share those that have worked even a little bit for other creative writers because she has discovered that among the writing community almost 9 out of 10 writers suffer some form of depression and she wants to help.  Now she and Alexander both say that therapy and medication may be needed as well as these strategies, so this not an end all be all, but a possible help guide.

Alexander Draghici is a Clinical Psychologist and a licensed Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy practitioner. His work is mainly in what in your past might still be with you bringing down into that depressive state and working through it. I really liked his take on some of the strategies.

I am going to tell you how I am combining some of these since as a person I have suffered from Clinical Depression almost since I was sixteen years old.

One of her First Strategies is to daily list 20 things you are grateful for. If you can’t come up with 20 list as many as you can, and ignore the negative points your mind brings up. I tend to acknowledge these by line editing them and turn them into a positive. I have MS, have since I was 15, so I am always thankful I can still walk, though now I am in a relasp so my brain come up with lots of stuff.  This is what my list may look like:

Thank you I can still walk to and from the bus today.

(but you are in pain, you are triping, you really have no balance, your are so numb.)

Thank you for my walker that holds me up and supports my weight.

Thank you I still feel in my back.

Thank you that with my walker I don’t fall on face anymore.

Each negative point give me another Gratitude point, and we go down the list like that.  I cannot yet be thankful I wake up every morning, or that I am still alive, but maybe someday I will get there.

Rayne uses flash story techniques and horror stories to put you in control of your emotions, Quick scenes to help you remember how it feels to feel good about yourself and your surroundings. I have worked a little with all of these, trying to find what works best for me.

She talks about journaling, and again, sticking to just the good feelings, and ignoring the negative. My journaling usually constists of what managed to get done that day and what I need to do the next.  Anyting that is floating around in my head I free write it out and it tends to help me from waking during my sleep periods and fussing over whatever is still sticking there. Nothing really negative, just clearing out the loose ends, thoughts not really finished, projects I didn’t quite get done by making plans for the next day.  Though she dose mention that sometime a quick free writing a venting if something is really bothering, is okay, but don’t dwell on it, get it out, and move on.

Keeping a journal of your feelings, good and bad, and really describing how them can be very helpful both to your writing and to getting that feeling up and out of you. But again, once it is written down, don’t dell on it, let it go.

I give this book five stars and really recommend it to almost any one who is dealing with depression, long term or short term. I feel these techniques can be very useful.  Alexander ever now again give a different slant on how to deal with some of these, drawing, painting, using other media to recreate these feelings. I really enjoyed this simply written book in easy to understand language.  Get a copy and hopefully in the various strategies you will find something that with your therapist helps you dig your way out this deep pit that depression make you think you caught in.  


Brother’s Mistake, Alpha’s mate

I bought McCallan’s Blood at #RT2016, great read.  The idea of of first book intrigued me, so I grab both books.

Trey is youg, foolish, and a little self-entittled, he rufies a girl who blows him off one night and 9 months later finds out he’s a dad. He goes to his o l Der brother to ‘get rid of the problem.’ His brother kicks him out of the pack (now the pack is only the two of them, unless he fathered a son, then there would be a third).  Jake McCallan knows that he has to talk to this woman, because if her child is a son, he will need pack, but Trey has really messed this up.  She wants nothing to do with the McCallan’s, and she is Jakes Mate!

This story gripped me from the first sentence and didn’t want to let me go.  I loved it! I found the most inportant thing of all, even after what Trey had done, and Jake had kicked him out, I wanted to know if he could pull himself together and find his way home, I saw something in him and by the end of story I really wanted his story!  He messed up again by hiring a hitman to get rid of of Rebecca and the baby, then quickly changes his mind and trys to protect them when he can’t call the guy off. 

Once Jake realizes that Rebecca is his mate, he finds that he not only has win her, tell her about the family being Werewolves, and bringing the baby and her into the family home to protect them from whoever is out there after them.  A very fast paced novel with deliciously layered characters, wonderful bayou settings, and a great sense of family. 

I give this book five stars, because while slightly slow in some places, it is the first book building a new world.  Couldn’t wait for the next book, glad I bought it at the same time, but still awaiting Trey’s story.  Thank you for sharing your creations with us, Ms. Lane.  Loved this family.

Mountain Cats, Pumas, Panthers

I bought this book at #RT2016, loaned it to a friend and just got it back, couldn’t wait to read it, and didn’t disappoint.

The cover caught my eye at #RT2016, found out it was about cougars, I love America Lions, so I grabbed it.  While reading it, it kept talking about another story before so ended up buying the anthology Here, Kitty, Kitty to read her story in it.  Abigail Owen has created at wonderful new world with Cougars.  She grabbed me we with the first sentence and didn’t let me go until the end, now I’m waiting for books two through four, (payday). 

Love the character development in this book, every body came out with flaws and extras that made them special.  Loved the way the Den ended up meshing together like a family.  Loved the strength of the heroine, And I’d ended up truly fighting her own battles, saving our heroes butt, and being her own Alpha.  That made me love this all the more once she won the battle for the Den, Jaxon didn’t just assume he would be taking it over as alpha he asked her what she wanted to do, even though they were married.  

I give this book five stars and can’t wait to delve into the next one.  Thank you, very much Ms. Owen for sharing your world with us.

15 Psy/Changeling boos, still hooked

Allegiance of Honor: Psy/Changeling Series #15 by Nalini Singh


For nine and half years we, as devoted readers, have followed this series. We are at book fifteen, the bridge between the old arc and the new arc, and this book is truly a bridge, everyone shows up in this book in some form or another. 
I laughed, cried, gasped, giggled, held my breath and fell in love all over again. 

The underlying story line in this one is a missing Black Sea Pack member the some teen boys from DarkRiver Pack find a bottle from her and that sends all members of the Trinity Accord searching for the lost member of that underwater pack. 
Also threaded through this book are the last days of Mercy’s pregnancy with the pupcubs, she is way over her due date and both healers are on call. Oh, don’t forget the danger that being whispered in the PsyNet about little Naya, Lucas and Sascha’s one year
old daughter (who finds her claws unexpectedly one evening).

This book was a rollercoaster of emotions that I went into from the first page with no seatbelt. From gasping, to crying, laughing and signing, in turns being distressed and smiling as the scene played out and … well, you have to read the
book. I literally could not put this down, if it had not been for busy days at work and needing sleep I might have read it straight through and then cried because it was over.  I did not want this book to end, not that I ever want any of Ms. Singh’s books
to end, but this one could kept going forever and I would have been happy. It has sent me a read of the whole of the series. 

I don’t want to give too much of this story line away, so I will take this chance to give a few a reasons why I keep following her after fifteen books. I love her characters, I love how even as she writes strong alpha men, sometimes they
share a skin with an animal, sometimes a deadly ability, but never in their interactions with their mates/bond partners/lovers do they seek to pull them down, make them fall into line. They build up their partners and never carry any anger into their bed room.
So many authors that tend to write shifter romance now and days use the animal in their males are a reason for explosive tempers that follow through in their love making and end up with heroine’s being almost doormats. Losing a lot of their fight because it
is what the hero needs. I love that in Ms. Singh’s world, the females go toe to toe with their males, even if they are not dominate personalities, in no way do they become doormats. 

Five brilliant shining stars for this story and I am very impatiently awaiting the next two installments. Thank you again, Ms. Singh for sharing with us you world and allowing us to come along for the ride.

Enduring Ink: A Montgomery Ink Novel #5

To be published on June 14, 2016.  Given for review.

Ink Enduring: A Montgomery Ink Novel #5 by Carrie Ann Ryan


I got caught right up in this book and couldn’t put it down.  Loved the family connections in this book, and how the Montgomery family takes in strays and makes them their own.

This story begins 13 years before the actual story, a couple hours at a dance club, two people, Maya Montgomery and Jake Gallagher met there, and had an explosive hour or so, then Jake got called away on an family emergency and by the time things settled back down and he could get back to Maya, it was 3 months later and she was involved with someone else.  Jake made the decision to be her friend and best friends are what they became to each other, rarely separated. 


Border Gentry rides his bike back into Jakes life one night, he ran once because of his history and what might happen to Jake if he let himself get too deeply involved.  Now, after years of phone conversations and emails between the two of them, Border is ready to meet this Maya that Jake talks about, and see where things might go. His dad is dead and the danger to Jake is over.  Or is it? With the life he has led while he has been gone, is he bringing the danger right to their front door? 


Jake thought he was falling in love with the beautiful Melody, but when Border knocked on his door one night, he was taken back all those years ago. Can he trust Border not to walk out again? Can he find a way to bring Maya into their bed? After thirteen years of just being friends, can they turn that into something else? He never stopped wanting or loving her, he just pushed it aside and down deep because he knew he couldn’t live without her in his life.


In his mind he has it all plotted out, every step, Border knows what he feels, what he wants to happen from the first time he meets Maya, but with work – this one last assignment – getting too close, can he keep his two chosen loves safe? Maya tries her hardest to not care about anybody, except her family and Jake as a friend. But now that she has opened up to these two men, can she find a place between them? Or will they close ranks against her at their first obstacle?


This book was a great read, loved it, love this family I am so wrapped up in them now I have to go back and read everything.  This book gets 4 ½ stars from me. The only issue I had was how much each character stayed in their own heads, and forgot that the other people in this threesome didn’t live in their heads, made for lots of thinking and little conversation. Since I love conversation, this drove me little nuts, but I will continue to read all these books as quickly as Ms. Ryan can write them.  Thank you so much for sharing your inked, strong characters with us.



ColdStorm: Heart of a Vampire #7 by Amber Kallyn

Another heart-pounding, breath-stealing installment of this series I have followed from the beginning. This book had me turning pages as long as I could keep my eyes open and then I was right back at it when they opened again.  The pages flew by on this novel; I could not turn them fast enough.  I got caught up right up in the story of Anca Fieraru and Matt Dixon.  She is a Judge form the Magic Council that rules over all the Arcaine and he is a very old vampire that hates everything the Council stands for.


Anca is a strong earth magic filled vampire mostly because of her Romani heritage. She carries a saif that was the last sword her father, a Master Swordmaker, crafter and he put all his remaining magic in it for his daughter.  After losing her family to the Romani purge in Europe and her little sister twice as she went on a bloodlust rampage once turned, she lets nobody near her heart. 


Matt Dixon used to be known as Mateo de Dizzione, back when Coronado, the Judge from the Magic Council, turned him and took him along on his blood filled rampage across most of Spain and then on the New World.  Matt has always believed that it was Council sanctioned, so he has always hated the council and their representatives.  So when told by his King Jordon MacDougal that she was an investigator from the Council, he wasn’t happy to have to guide her around town, but obeyed his King. 


These are two strong vampires, deeply wounded by acts that happened at the time of their turning, they have been alone for centuries, letting no one too close to their hearts.  Now the earth spirits that guide and protect Anca are guiding Matt to her, pushing the two of them closer together whenever they get near.  Can they learn to trust each other? Can Matt give up is blind hatred of all things Magic Council related long enough to realize that love is right in front of him?


The fight with the Rogues in this one combines lots of different magic, the child vampire, Eliza, is back leading this time. But is she the ultimate one is control? If they find the traitor and defeat this group will it be the end and Moss Creek, Arizona can go back to being a sleepy little town? What is it about this town that keeps drawing these Rogues to their land?  We will have to keep reading.


Five stars for this one, loved every word.  This story catches you with word one and doesn’t let you go until the end.  A must read if you are following this series, if not a must read if you love a good romance that makes you laugh, cry and want to shake some sense into the character.  Thank you, Ms. Kallyn for sharing your story with us.

Availed now on Amazon for $2.99.

Dinner and nighttime revelation

I was at dinner last night with my cousin Laura and her husband. She asked about a ring I was wearing I mentioned that I had bought it myself, for myself, on my birthday that I had stopped waiting for a man to buy me pretty jewelry. As I sat there talking to them to dinner and thinking; then later as I laid in bed drifting off to sleep I realized something, it wasn’t that I was waiting for a man or someone special too buy me a ring, or other jewelry, it was that I was waiting for somebody to give that jewelry meaning and a memory. And I realized as I looked at that Claddagh ring death by purchasing that ring for myself I had given it more meaning and a different memory then anybody giving me that ring could have ever given it.

I had turn 48 years old in November Karma it was the worst birthday since May 21st. I was 48 unpublished author and not a mother. The only thing I ever wanted growing up was to be a mother I got married at 19 to be a mother, and that never happened then when I got divorced I didn’t want to bring a child into my life without somebody else there. As a child of a single-parent home the last thing I wanted to do, bring a child into a single parent home. I’m not saying a single parent can’t do a wonderful job, I know they can’t my mother did, but I didn’t think I could and I thought a child deserves two parents not one. And being halfway through menopause I knew that my time was over for being a parent. So I had a very rough week that month. But then I moved on and I found a strength that I didn’t realize I was missing. I thought I had my strength, surviving 21 years on my own, with no family in Las Vegas, but I found a different reserve – a different type of strength – that that week that month. I am who I am because of everything that has led me to this point in my life. My failed marriage, my failed relationship after that, and all the ones that came after later, being here in Vegas for 21 years homeless to renter to finally a homeowner. And I like me. I might be fat, I might have my quirks, but they’re my quirks and it’s my weight, and I am who I am and I have discovered I don’t care, I don’t give a damn, what anybody else thinks. I don’t give a damn what anybody else says, I love me and that is all that matters in this world.

This is just something I wanted to get out there to write down so that is something I can look back on later and remind myself that I love me. That I don’t give a damn what anybody else thinks of me.

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